What do married men think of their lovers?

What do married men think of their lovers? This question has puzzled many people and often raises doubts, curiosity, and even fear. Extramarital affairs raise many questions, especially from an emotional perspective: What do married men think of their lovers? When do they continue both relationships at the same time? Do they feel love, guilt, desire, or see the mistress as an escape?

Although every story is unique, there are emotional and motivational patterns that recur in many cases. Some men seek in a lover what they feel is missing in their marriage, such as novelty, emotional connection, or validation. Others experience an internal conflict between their commitment to their family and the desire to experience something forbidden. But what place does the lover really occupy in their mind and life?

What do married men really think of their lovers?

The truth is, what do married men think of their lovers depends on several factors, including the state of their marriage, their emotional needs, and their values. In many cases, what do married men think of their lovers is tied to excitement, freedom, or admiration that they feel is missing in their married life. Others may view the mistress as someone who understands them better, who brings novelty and passion back into their lives. What a married man thinks of his mistress depends on multiple factors, such as the state of his marriage, his personality, his values, and the reasons that led him to have a parallel relationship. However, in many cases, his mistress represents something he feels he’s lost in his married life —excitement, freedom, admiration, or even a sense of being desired again.

Some men idealize their lover, seeing her as an emotional refuge or an escape from the responsibilities and routines of home life. In these cases, they may speak of the lover as someone who “understands him better,” who “doesn’t judge him,” or who “brings him back to life.” It’s not uncommon for an intense connection to develop, although it’s often built on fantasy rather than real life.

Other men, on the other hand, maintain a more utilitarian view because they see the relationship as a source of pleasure or validation with no intention of leaving their wives. In these cases, they may mentally divide the two relationships: they respect their partner as the mother of their children or a life partner, while they associate their mistress with desire and adventure.

What they think doesn’t always align with what they feel or do. Contradictions are common: they may say they love their wife and, at the same time, not give up on a parallel relationship that makes them feel alive or important.

What does a married man feel for his lover?

Feelings often get tangled. What do married men think of their lovers when emotions grow deeper? Some genuinely believe they have fallen in love, while others only idealize the mistress. In many situations, what married men think of their lovers is shaped more by secrecy and the thrill of forbidden passion than by real, long-term compatibility. A married man’s feelings toward his mistress can be as intense as they are contradictory. Often, what begins as a physical attraction or a means of escape ends up forming a deep emotional bond, even if it’s marked by secrecy and guilt.

Some men experience a strong idealization of their lover. They see her as someone who values ​​them, listens to them, and gives them back a part of themselves that they feel is missing in their relationship. In these cases, there may be genuine affection, constant sexual desire, and even the belief that they are in love. However, these feelings are often fueled by the forbidden context, which intensifies passion but does not necessarily guarantee long-term stability.

Opposing feelings are also common: love and guilt, desire and fear, tenderness and confusion. Many men feel an emotional attachment to their lover, but at the same time, they are unwilling to leave their married life for various reasons (family, stability, social image, fear of the unknown).

In some cases, feelings may be more superficial or selfish, as they feel important, admired, or desired, without necessarily having a deep emotional connection. The lover then becomes a source of personal validation rather than a relationship based on commitment.

What a married man feels for his lover is not always love in the full sense, but rather a complex mix of emotions, often difficult to sustain over time without consequences.

Why does a married man look for a mistress?

When analyzing what do married men think of their lovers, it becomes clear that reasons go beyond physical attraction. Many seek emotional validation, excitement, or relief from marital stress. For some, the mistress restores their self-esteem. For others, what married men think of their lovers is linked to escapism — a way to avoid dealing with problems at home. The reasons a married man seeks a mistress can be diverse and complicated. It’s not always simply a matter of sexual dissatisfaction, but rather a combination of emotional, personal, and relational factors that lead him to seek outside what he feels he can’t find within his official partner.

• One of the most common causes is a lack of emotional connection with his wife. He may feel ignored, undervalued, or emotionally distant, and feel an emotional void. In this sense, a lover appears as someone who listens to him, admires him, and offers him a sense of closeness or complicity that he misses in his marriage.
• Another motivation is the desire for novelty or to relive the thrill of the forbidden. Some men seek to recapture the intensity of desire, passion, or excitement that has faded over years of living together. Routine, stress, and family responsibilities can also trigger a need to escape.
• Self-esteem also plays a role. For some men, feeling desired by another woman restores a positive self-image. It’s a way of validating themselves and compensating for insecurities.
• In some cases, the search for a lover is not due to an internal conflict, but rather to a lack of commitment to one’s partner or a permissive conception of fidelity.

It’s important to understand that while these reasons may help explain infidelity, they don’t justify it. How a person chooses to deal with their relationship conflicts is a personal choice, and there are always more respectful and honest alternatives.

Do married men leave their wives for their mistresses?

A very common question is: what do married men think of their lovers when deciding between their marriage and the affair? Most men don’t leave their wives, even if they feel attached to their mistresses. Their thoughts are often divided — respecting their wife as a partner, while also desiring their lover. In this sense, what married men think of their lovers is often contradictory, mixing passion with fear of consequences. Most married men who have a mistress don’t usually leave their wives, at least not immediately or in every case. Although a deep emotional connection develops in some extramarital relationships, the mistress often serves a temporary or parallel function, with no real intention of breaking up the marriage.

One of the main reasons they don’t take the step is fear of the consequences. Separating entails a major personal, financial, family, and social reorganization. Many men fear losing stability, facing guilt, or disappointing their children, so they prefer to keep the situation as it is, even if it’s unfair for all parties involved.

Furthermore, some people idealize the figure of their mistress precisely because she isn’t part of their everyday life. With her, there are no bills, routine arguments, or housework. If they were to break up with their official partner, this idealization might disappear.

There are also cases in which the man feels emotionally attached to both partners and doesn’t know how to resolve the conflict. In these cases, the indecision drags on and causes suffering for everyone involved.

While there are stories of a man leaving his wife for his mistress, they are not the norm. Therefore, if you are the other person in this equation, it’s important to ask yourself what you want, how long you’re willing to wait, and whether you’re being treated with respect.

Conclusion

What do married men think of their lovers is a complex question. Some see their lovers as a source of passion and attention. Others use the relationship to escape problems at home.

These thoughts are rarely simple. They are often mixed with love, guilt, and confusion. While the affair may feel exciting, most men face inner conflict and divided loyalty.

In the end, lovers are part of a hidden world. What married men think of their lovers depends on both their needs and their fears. Understanding this shows how affairs are less about love and more about what is missing in their lives.

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FAQs

1. Do married men truly love their lovers?
What do married men think of their lovers when feelings deepen? Some may believe it is love, while others confuse passion with genuine care. Often, the secrecy and thrill make emotions feel stronger than they really are.

2. Why don’t married men leave their wives for their lovers?
Even if affection is present, most men stay in their marriages due to family, financial security, or social image. What married men think of their lovers is often passionate, but their sense of duty or fear of consequences holds them back.

3. Do married men feel guilty about their lovers?
Guilt is common, especially if the man still respects his wife. What married men think of their lovers can be mixed with shame, regret, or self-justification. Some manage guilt by telling themselves their lover meets needs their wife cannot.

4. Can a married man have a long-term relationship with his lover?
What do married men think of their lovers in the long term? Most relationships stay hidden and unstable because secrecy eventually causes stress. A few cases do last, but many end once the initial excitement fades.

5. Do married men compare their wives with their lovers?
Yes, comparison is natural. What married men think of their lovers often includes admiration for qualities missing at home. At the same time, many still value their wives for loyalty, history, or family connections.

References

1. Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
2. Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1992). Justifications for extramarital relationships: The association between attitudes, behaviors, and gender. Journal of Sex Research, 29(3), 361–387.
3. Allen, E. S., & Atkins, D. C. (2012). The multidimensional and developmental nature of infidelity: Theories, challenges, and recommendations. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 68(11), 1161–1171.
4. Gordon, K. C., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2004). An integrative intervention for promoting recovery from extramarital affairs. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30(2), 213–231.